The terror began in Northampton, England on the night of Friday September 13th, 2013; a day that is already considered to be unlucky by those that are superstitious. Many people often associate Friday the 13th with the horror movie series. However, on this particular Friday the 13th, it wasn’t a large undead man wearing a hockey mask and wielding a bloody machete that struck fear into the hearts of the people of Northampton, England (although that would be quite cool)… It was in fact, something much worse. …It was me! And who am I, you may ask? Well if you don’t already know, I will be happy to explain who I am… I am the very definition of fear and terror itself. Oh yes… I am a clown.
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SAMPLE FROM THE INTRODUCTION:
And who am I, you may ask? Well if you don’t already know, I will be happy to explain who I am… I am the very definition of fear and terror itself. Oh yes… I am a clown. However, I am not just any clown. You see, there are several different types of clowns running around. There are circus clowns, birthday party clowns and there are also evil zombie clowns. Now I know what you’re thinking… You are assuming that I am one of the evil zombie clowns. However, I can assure you that’s not the case. I am none of those types of clowns. I am in a league of my very own.
First of all, the circus clowns are just annoying little boneheads that like to roll around on top of one another on the circus floor. Then there are the Birthday party clowns. They are just a bunch of drunks that do stupid magic tricks for snotty nosed little kids at their birthday parties. Then there are the evil zombie clowns, which many people (probably even you) have mistaken me for. Many people have said that they believe me to be a psychotic, cold-blooded killer on a rampage. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, I admit, I do quite enjoy the taste of blood and there’s nothing quite like a rotting human brain with a side of intestines. However, don’t let my appetite fool you.
I really just don’t like to think of myself as “psychotic.” That’s the word used to define all of the evil clowns. I much prefer to think of myself as simply, “happy.” Oh yes… I am very happy, indeed!
Now there’s a lot of people that have this idea that the only thing I actually do is terrorize my hometown. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth! Yes, I do realize that I am terrifying (after all, I am a clown), but that’s the beauty of it… People are completely terrified of me! It’s beautiful because scaring people is what I love to do. It makes me happy. Therefore, I don’t think of this as scaring and terrorizing people; I see it as keeping myself “happy.
It’s all about perspective, you see. Nobody wants to talk about my perspective on things. They all just want to consider me to be an evil, crazed, psychotic, terrifying zombie clown. While those things may be true, I use those characteristics to entertain myself and it keeps me very happy. Doesn’t a psychotic clown’s happiness matter to anyone? It certainly should and it’s about time that all the humans get a good dose of my perspective!
As a means of helping all of you human mortals understand my perspective, I’ve decided to write this book. I thought that perhaps you might not only learn to see things from my “happy” perspective, but you could also learn a bit more about my life as a clown. I want you to get to know me a bit better. Maybe then you’ll appreciate me the next time you spot me in Northampton. That is of course, if you’re not too completely terrified.
In this book, I am going to reveal some things that you have been wanting to know about me. I am going to give you 21 insights into my, not psychotic, but “happy” life. After reading this book, you will have a much better understand of my life, background and the things that keep me happy. So sit back, relax and enjoy this terrifying clown’s perspective as I open up my very “happy” life to you.
The Northampton Clown
As seen all over the world not limited to the following….